Toastal

TOAST IS A TREAT FROM TODDLER TO TWEEN!

Babies begin their love for Toast early in life while teething on Zwieback Toast.  No good mother would dare leave home without at least three slices tucked into her bag!

( I have included below a recipe to make this classic treat, as it is very difficult to find now days even on-line.)

Normal toddlers should begin playing with Toaster replicas no later than 18 months.  Children are attracted to Toasters that resemble those used by their parents, particularly the Cool Counter Top Toaster, the Cuisinart Classic Toaster, and the Pink Kitchenaid Toaster. 
With proper encouragement and training on safe usage the Toaster can provide hours of fun!  Boys as well as girls should be allowed to experiment with multiple slices.

Tweens love to munch on toast, and many like to have their own Toaster in their room.  Girls adore the Pink Toasters and the boys like the Stainless and Black models! 

This young lady pictured to the right chose this for her yearbook photo.

Can you guess who it is?!

Zwieback Toast Recipe
• 2 c. milk
 
• 1/2 c. lukewarm water
• 1/2 c. butter
• 2 egg yolk, beaten
• 1 Tbsp. salt
• 8 c. (approx) unbleached flour
• 4 Tbsp. sugar
• 2 Tbsp. active dry yeast

Melt butter in warm milk over medium heat. Add salt and 2 Tbsp. of the sugar. Cool to lukewarm. Meanwhile sprinkle yeast over lukewarm water and 2 Tbsp. sugar.
Cover with plastic wrap and set aside until bubbly. Combine cooled milk mixture and yeast mixtures. Mix well. Add beaten egg yolks.
Slowly add 3 c.flour, beating on low with electric mixture. Add 1 c. at a time to make a soft dough.
Knead on floured board until dough is velvety and elastic.
Place in greased bowl, turning to grease top of dough.
Cover with plastic wrap and let rise in warm place until double in size. Form dough into small balls, one slightly smaller on top of the other.
Place on greased baking sheet about 2 inches apart.
Let rise until almost double and bake at 375 degrees F. about 10-15 minutes or until golden brown. Makes about 2 dozen Zwieback.

Tonight while watching TV, I saw a commercial for "Movies On-Demand."  The voice-over for the commercial said, "Ordering a movie (on demand) is as simple as making toast."

Whoa! Was that meant to be a compliment?  I don't think so!

YOU LIE!!!

Toast and "simple" should not be used in the same sentence.  Never!  Trust me, there is nothing simple about toast!

If toast were simple why in the world would there be so many types, styles and kinds of Toasters?  

Where has this person been?

There are Smart Toasters, Toasters with radios, even Toasters that emboss the image of the President of the United States on the bread!

Searching and finding the proper Toaster has become A GLOBAL ACTIVITY.  Otherwise why would I have found this Global Toaster website when I was ready to purchase another fabulous toaster?

Something needs to be done about things like this!

I'M SPITTING F-I-R-E OVER THIS ONE!

"In 1970 the Toaster was the number one wedding gift for brides and grooms. Today it remains high on the list of priorities for newly married couples, as about 99% of couples put their desire for a Toaster on their bridal registry,"  according to local sources at Target Stores, Inc.

Teila my next door neighbor came over this morning with tears running down her face.  You see, all my neighbors know they can count on me for sound advice in a crisis.

And, boy -- a crisis it was! 

Teila said, "My Toaster died sometime between 7:00 a.m. yesterday and 7:12 a.m. this morning. I don't know what I am going to do."

She sobbed, "Bob and I got five Toasters when we got married in 1970 and that Toaster was the last surviving one of the five."  The hurt in her voice was deep.

I felt her pain!

She went on to explain that she had tried every survival technique she knew, including turning the Toaster upside down and shaking it vigorously while pounding it with her fist. She then plugged it in, but it declined to heat up, no matter which outlet she tried.

She said, "I'm pretty sure it is deceased."

As I know how much this hurts when the toaster who has been through the ups and downs of your daily life with you for decades, finally needs to be put to rest.  It doesn't matter if it's a two-slice toaster or a four-slice toaster; the hurt is the same.

I gave her a proper small appliance cover for it's burial.  They need to be buried immediately, so we took it to it to it's final resting place…

To cheer her up after the service, I brought her in to look at my special high-tech toasters, hoping to inspire a new beginning.

I showed her my best bagel toaster, my smart die cast Toaster, and even my "Cool Touch" toaster oven.

This seemed to cheer her up.  She asked me for my advice as to next steps through this difficult time.

I looked her straight in the eye and said,

"Teila your toaster is gone.  Times are tough.  Your only choice -- go get married AGAIN!"

A toaster ----  is a toaster  --- is a toaster...... right? 

WRONG!!

As you know I am the last person on earth to be judgmental, but looking at one's choice of toaster tells volumes about a person -- their financial status, their taste, their focus on the environment, their value of time and so on.

Is their choice a stainless or molded plastic toaster; an on counter or under counter toaster; a four slot or basic two slice toaster?  You SEE what I mean!

I must admit I can't advance to the next level of any friendship without checking out a person's choice in quality for their toaster. I just can't!

One rule of thumb I have is this -- if a person's counter top toaster is not visible on a counter top then I move on.

Once spotted, I do a quick evaluation by using

THE TELL-TALE TWELVE TOASTER TEST

1. STYLE
2. COLOR
3. SLOTS - NUMBER
4. SLOTS - LENGTH, WIDTH, ADJUSTABILITY
5. CONSTRUCTION MATERIAL
6. WATTAGE OR ENERGY EFFICIENCY
7. CANCEL OR ON/OFF BUTTON
8. WARMING RACK
9. REHEAT BUTTON
10. DEFROST BUTTON
11. EASE OF CRUMB REMOVAL
12. EFFICIENTY OF CORD STORAGE

Size is not the only thing that matters!

Well, I decided to venture out and get my mind off the governmental toaster abuse scandal.

I had to be among some nice people.  People who have good hearts and strong senses.  So, I went to the Irish Festival in Indianapolis, Indiana.

The festival was lively!  I meandered my way through groups of smiling, joyful people -- all having a great time.

My spirits were immediately lifted, in a way that usually only the smell of toast can provide.

I was walking around enjoying my green beer, when  I spotted a sign that said: 

"No One Makes Toast, Like the IRISH!" 

 I thought the French had that one  locked up -- world famous French Toast.

I scurried over to the Toast Tent!!!   Lined up on the back counter were several green toasters all popping out perfectly browned toast.  I took a picture of the toasters for my toaster library (a spin-off of my toaster collection).

They were all Hamilton Beach Electric Toasters like this one.

 Lined up - six strong!  Awesome sight!

But, I decided to partake of the Irish Toast. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy!

The official name for the toast is "MAD Irish Toast."

Well, that is exactly what I needed on my day of recovery -- Mad Toast, as madness of toaster abuse is exactly what drove me to the festival in the first place!

    ----------This now had all turned spiritual.

Well enough about me...

Mad Toast has a thick layer of cream cheese mixed with a liberal helping of pecans, sandwiched between two slabs of challah toast and topped with an Irish whiskey/butterscotch sauce. Scrump-did-da-lee-icious!

"Piece" for all!

Back in December I was watching Jay Leno and heard President Obama compare some financial products to an exploding toaster!
 

He said that when you buy a TOASTER, if it explodes in your face, there is a law that protects you.

But when you get a credit card, or you get a mortgage, there’s no law on the books that says if that explodes in your face you’re going to be protected.
 

This got me thinking about what kind of toaster the President has in his kitchen at the White House.  I have concluded:
 

A.  It is probably a White Toaster
B.  It is probably under the "Cabinet"
C.  It is probably a Smart Toaster
 

Hmmmmmm...LET'S SEE HOW WELL IT WORKS!!!

I organize my 2-slice toaster collection by color.  I love color and I love the best small toasters -- so combining my two loves brings double pleasure to me. 

Now, I know that some of you will say that my favorite appliances should be displayed in alphabetical order, but I am a very "go with the flow" person so that does not fit in with my plan.

 My favorite is the Kolorik I found on-line at Global Toaster. 

It is a very stylish with extra wide slots.

OH, I FORGOT TO MENTION.  I DO WEAR SHOES TO MATCH MY TOASTERS.  ORANGE TOASTERS - ORANGE SHOES!

AWESOME..........................

I arrived early at the fairgrounds to attend the 2010 Commercial Toaster Oven Show to see all of the highest rated toaster ovens for this year. 

Granted, I was tired and anxious.  I had great anticipation about this mega-toaster event, and had slept very little last night.  I even had been marking off the days using my toast-it notes!

But, as I prepared to pull into an open parking space, I spotted a guy getting out of his car with an anti-toaster bumper sticker in plain view like the one shown above.  This sticker and the ones that say "YOU ARE TOAST" make me so mad!

When I see them on parked cars and no one is around, I immediately remove them with the goo-be-gone that I carry in my car specifically for this purpose.  But, this was going to be a face-to-face confrontation.

"I must stand up for the toaster," I told the man.  "Please remove that bumper sticker now."  I pointed my finger straight at him.  Before he could answer, I handed him the goo-be-gone and then sped away.

Let's all hope he does the right thing!

Before GOING TOASTAL, I went COASTAL!  In a VW Bus!

One of the unintended consequences of my love for toasters and the acquisition of my toaster collection is making space in my home to provide display areas for my growing collection of toasters.

I am forced to edit all of my non-essential belongings to make room for only essentials -- especially my beloved toaster collection, including bright stainless toasters, lovely black toasters, and toasters in all size, colors and shapes.

I have come up with a solution to ease the pain and bring everlasting joy.

What I do is this:  Before ridding myself of the belonging itself that had a place in my life BT (Before Toasters), I try to represent the item itself or the meaning of the item to me, in a toaster.

Thus, resulted in the toaster shown above.  Here's the story behind the toaster.

One of the reasons I started collecting toasters was that I was a follower of the Grateful Dead.  It was there among Deadheads, that I first fell in love with the toasted cheese sandwich.

Below is the picture of the VW bus that travelled from from coast to coast for toast to toast!

True Blue Deadheads never die; they just Go Toastal!

I had the pleasure of  hosting the annual TOAST-B-QUE this year.  The event is by invitation only.  As you know, I have prepared for this day all year.

Toaster Oven designers, fabricators, and experts serve on the distinguished panel of judges at the event.

This year the focus was the "toaster oven category."

Mrs. Phoebe Rockwell was the Toastmaster this year (She was also the Sergeant-at-Arms).  The duty of the Toastmaster is to make certain that each appliance has been displayed at the appropriate location on the table and is surrounded by sufficient space to show it in the best light.

                    Proctor Silex Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Kitchen Convection Toaster - CHECK!

                    Smith Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Krups Digital Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Toastmaster Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Spacesaver Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Tfal Avante Elite Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Oster Countertop Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Kitchenmaid Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Europro Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Munsey Toaster Oven - CHECK!

                    Slice Metal Toaster Stainless Steel Oven - CHECK!

Attendees are permitted to touch each toaster oven (after putting on their white gloves).

I, as hostess, offer a "toast" to all in attendance, and then I am handed the envelope, that contains the name of the "Wind Beneath My Wings Toaster Oven for 2009."

I grasp the envelope, my palms are sweating, my heart is beating fast.  I must remain poised.  So, I take a deep breath and open the envelope.  I say, "The Wind Beneath My Wings 2009 Toaster is ...........the…..TOASTMASTER TOASTER OVEN!"
 

What the Hell Happened?

My God, when the best small toaster no longer serves its purpose, removing the innards in order to toast bagel bites in a pinch is beyond asinine even for a hungry teenager.

I know it took a good long time (and some skill and patience) to insert these bagel bites one by one and then shuffle them around like some hand-held game so they all are flat.  Jeez oh Pete!

But, the problem doesn't stop there.  How do you know when your four slot toaster snack is done?  They are not going to pop up!  The solution appears to be ripping off the side of the stainless steel toaster so you can see for yourself.

Hey, you might want to think about looking at the Oster Glass View Toaster that is sold on-line at Global Toaster.  Saves time, prevents messes and causes less injury.
 

GO AHEAD AND MAKE MY DAY!!                                                   
 
Did you know that many people LOVE BURNT TOAST?

And, you thought Colorado was only for ski buffs.  No. No.  Denver is said to be the burnt toast capital of the world, and you can visit this fine eatery there, called the BURNT TOAST CAFE.

(Just a little bit of insider information - dentists love their patients to eat at this corner cafe as often as possible.)
 
Actually, if you think  about it, why would toasters have a button on them to accommodate those who love the crunch crunch crunch of burnt toast, if it weren't demanded by consumers?

So to meet the needs of your whole family, there are two slot toasters and toaster ovens with great ranges from very light to crunchy burnt toast. 

Some good ones are the Proctor Silex Toaster Oven, the Kitchen Corner Toaster, and the Cuisinart Electronic Toaster.  I found all of these here at Global Toaster.

"CHICAGO MAN DEMANDS RELEASE FROM JAIL SAYING…

"I NEED MY TOASTER BACK NOW!"

First you sell your blood, and then you sell your best small toaster.  What could be next?

This nutty (or crack pot) guy announced plans to eventually buy back the small appliance toaster he'd sold an hour earlier to U-Name-It Pawn in Chicago.  "This is only temporary," said the 27-year old, who'd already parlayed the $3 he received into a crack purchase. "I'll buy it back as soon as I have electricity again.  He also stated his intention to buy back the blood he sold to the plasma center the previous Monday.  But, police arrested him on drug charges.

His ex-wife said she knew that he must have hit rock bottom.  Because, the brushed metal toaster was his last possession he had to be hocked.

I realized that when I am looking at toasters in stores or even on-line, I constantly hum.   I hum as I ponder why these marvelous appliances intrigue me so much.  It is a happy hum, so I am not going to worry about it.  It's not like I am not normal or anything.

I wasn't sure today if people were staring at me because of my beautiful toaster t-shirt that I wore or because of my humming.  But, whatever -- they need to get a life!

I realized that the appliance design is a huge, huge part of my love for the toaster.  I am happy that toasters are in a constant state of redesign.  This fact alone helps me get up and face each day!

But, when I saw this baby -- a De'Longhi toaster with a warming rack on top, I just about popped (no bun intended - ha!!!!) out of my skin!

The De'Longhi brushed metal toaster is a durable, stylish and beautiful 2-slice toaster. The warming rack lets you warm croissants, bagels and other already toasted items. It's two extra-long, extra-wide slots work in concert with self-adjusting grips to center food for precise, double sided toasting.

It was a wonderful hum-filled day and I will go to sleep counting toasters.

Use toasters for toast, but not to warm baby wipes.

And is there any wonder why I have gone toastal again?  Here is just another story that keeps me in constant two slot toaster agitation.

I heard that one new mother decided to test just how smart her Breville Smart Toaster really was.  But, it wasn't a very smart idea.  She had always bragged about her Breville SMART TOASTER to her neighbors; but now she has egg on her face.

The story goes that this young woman inserted foil-wrapped baby wipes in it to warm them so that her new baby's "buns" would be toastie warm when she changed the diaper!

Her Smart Toaster now needs to be replaced because a fire erupted and destroyed it.

My advice is to buy Cuisinart toaster oven at Global Toaster for the next one (and buy one of the baby wipe warmers at a baby store or on-line… moron).

If you look at the best toaster oven reviews you won't go wrong with the purchase.  I particular like Cuisinart, but Breville also has good reviews.  You could just buy another Breville and not tell your neighbors about the mishap.

But please understand the limits of the “smart” appliance, this time you be the smart one!

I was online after dinner (looking at the best toaster oven reviews) when suddenly like a flash in the night, the most beautiful pop-up appeared. 

Oh my Gosh!  The best small toaster t-shirt! 

Could anything be more appropriate for me? 

I want it in every color -- red, blue, black yellow, green.  

I need to meet the designer because apparently I am not the only one who has Gone Toastal!  There are indeed other toaster fans.
The front of the toaster t-shirt has the most gorgeous stainless steel 2-slice toaster with bright trim.  I love it and will wear it proudly while I shop the appliance aisles in all the best stores. 

I don't care if people think I am a toaster-snob.  I will touch each and every toaster I see. 

Watch out Aroma toaster oven!  Watch out Bravetti toaster oven!  Watch out Breville - you smart toaster you.  I am on my way!!!

Wow, I have gone completely toastal today!  Feels so good.

Jeez oh Pete, some mornings just get your day started off the wrong way.

Today I went to a breakfast café to have coffee with a friend.  But, when the waitress came to the table and asked, "What would you like, m'am?" my jaw locked.  How could she not know?  I had my powerful toaster t-shirt on and everything.

So, it occurred to me that she was probing for information -- deep information.  A sneak.  I hate people like that.  They know.  They just don't admit it.  Some people are so shallow.  I mean they are not big picture people at all.

I did not want to "play into her hand" with all the details about 3 slot stainless steel toasters or Breville toaster oven reviews.

But, that was okay because I could SEE what I would like, boy I could SEE it.
 

I care deeply about the Global Toaster appliance.  I mean, quality toasters are marvelous vessels.  The saying goes:  Stop and smell the roses; but it should be: stop and touch bagel toaster.

Often, out of my mouth come words…  It is a poem that I heard on the radio once (which is a MUCH inferior appliance compared to the T-ster, I might add). 

The poem goes something like this:

ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY, ALL OVER THE COAST
PEOPLE OFTEN ASK ME; WHAT I WANT THE MOST.
I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG; I DON'T LIKE TO BOAST
SO I JUST TELL THEM, "I  WANT TOAST."

Gotta go, it's almost midnight!

Hey, let me tell you what happened to me today.  I hope it never happens to YOU!

I am browsing and humming my way through the toaster aisle looking for the perfect stainless steel toaster to use as a centerpiece at my holiday Toast-B-Que.

A woman is standing beside me -- sort of invading my space.  You know what I mean. No matter which why I move, she never budges. She stands straight and tall, close up to the blue toasters.

Clearly, she is trying to squeeze me away from the store's best bagel toaster.  She tries to hog my personal space -- right between the red metallic toasters and the Kitchen Aid gourmet toaster ovens.

She is definitely a toaster stalker.  The world is full of crazies!

Experiencing a toaster stalker is one of life's most intense situations.  So, I yelled loudly, "Doesn't this store have a policy preventing 2-slice toaster stalkers?"

The stalker still does not move.  I am perspiring, but I absolutely refuse to give up my personal space to this INSANE person.

I scream, "Help!!!!"

Suddenly a man approaches the aisle and flicked his badge.  At this moment I knew
there was a God.